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Seems like a reasonable place to start. It’s the same flavor as most candy bars and most chocolates. Let’s call it a baseline.

It’s a perfectly serviceable chocolate cookie. A little dry. I mean, not really dry. It doesn’t suck the moisture out of my mouth. But it yearns for milk, like an Oreo.

It’s not too sweet, and there’s nothing overbearing about it. It’s a subtle cookie. Editor Moog just popped in from the future and told me to tell you that subtle is the word of the day for the rest of this article. Guess we’ll see what that means.

Also if you watch the video linked at the top of this article (SHAMELESS PLUG), you’ll notice there’s a holiday version of this packaging in it. Yeah. Faked you out there.

Yeah, that’s right. Double. Don’t try to tell me the first rule of government spending is “why have one when you can have two at twice the price?” Contact is one of my favorite movies. The book is a little crazy. Especially when the aliens start talking about preventing the heat death of the universe. Besides, these aren’t double the price. Just double the… milk chocolate? Somehow?

Okay but for real, I tasted no difference between these and the original milk chocolate. None. Nothing. They were the same cookie. Supposedly there’s more milk chocolate in this than the other one, based on the order of ingredients on the label. Supposedly. I don’t taste it.

I’m sure someone might be like, “Moog, you’re just some idiot with no taste buds. How can you not taste a difference?” I promise you, I don’t. if you do, that’s great. I’m not here to yuck your yum. And I’m not saying they’re bad. I just think they’re the same cookie with different packaging, and I stand by it. Harumph.

I like dark chocolate. Not when it’s bitter, but when it’s sweet. I tend to shy away from bitter flavors in general. I don’t hate them. In fact, arugula’s my favorite leafy green. Slathered in sweet balsamic reduction. But I do shy away from bitterness.

This cookie is not bitter. It’s also not really sweet? Somehow? It’s not as confusing as I’m making it sound, I promise.

Another perfectly serviceable cookie. It has a bit more complexity than the basic Hershey clone up above, and to me, that gives it a leg up.

You might not enjoy it if you don’t like the bite of dark chocolate, but there are plenty of alternatives for you if that’s the case.

Ah ****, here we go again. If you don’t like dark chocolate, scroll down.

Again, the only difference I can taste, smell, or see is on the label. Semi-sweet chocolate is listed first instead of enriched wheat flour. And again, this one is pretty much the same cookie.

I get the feeling Pepperidge Farm is cutting corners here. I’m sure at some point, these “double” flavors were a ploy to put 2x the chocolate in their cookies and boost sales. Maybe they realized they could cut costs by not making two variations of the same cookie, and somehow split the difference? Now they’re just doubling the packaging.

That’s just a theory. A food theory. Santi, hit me up.

Getting into the fruit offerings now. Notice how it says flavored in tiny text next to Raspberry? It means there’s no actual raspberry in this. Why would there be? Pepperidge Farm knows, I’m sure. They remember everything.

This tastes a lot like one of those chocolate-covered raspberry sticks if you made a cookie out of it. You know exactly the ones.

Nothing unexpected here. If you don’t like fake raspberry candy flavor, you won’t like these. If you do, well. No comment.

The first of several white chocolate varieties, and let me get this out of the way. I enjoy white chocolate. Yes, I know, it’s not chocolate. That doesn’t stop it from being a cocoa-based delight. I like all colors of the chocolate rainbow. Yes, I know exactly how that sounds.

The lemon flavor’s good in these. It’s not overpowering, like a lot of lemon-flavored desserts and snacks can be. I hate sour lemon candy. I’m not a huge fan of lemon-based pies no matter how much meringue is in them, and it’s usually because the lemon is too smacky. Yes, smacky. It feels like it’s smacking me in the tongue, and I get scared and go hide.

But this is a subtle lemon. It’s not trying to be subtle, but something about the baking process probably kills all the flavor. I was gonna say it’s a lot like a lemon cookie, but that’s exactly what it is. I’ll be damned.

Overall, one of the better ones.

Next up, another out-of-season fruit, and more citrus at that.

You know those Terry’s chocolate oranges you see every Christmas? This is one of those if you put it on a cookie. The flavor is, I dare say, identical.

It’s gotta be the same orange-flavored flavorings they’re using. No idea what they could be, but there’s no hint of anything orange on the ingredients list. The closest it’s got is “natural flavorings”. If it’s orange oil, you’d think that would be listed. I’m always dubious about stuff like that.

But who cares? This is America AND it’s Christmas, so we don’t care what we put in our bodies. If you don’t care either, make sure to pick these up.

Okay, strawberries are my favorite fruit, but his one had a smell when I opened the bag. I did not like it. It was sulfurous. A distinct rotten egg scent. It quickly went away, and I mean quickly. But I did not enjoy the bag farting at me.

The next time I opened it up, the smell was back, too. It’s definitely something in the recipe. I double checked the best by date, and it was a few months out. Who knows?

Oh right, the taste. I’m a millennial. I don’t let farts stop me from enjoying a good meal. It’s a very creamy strawberry, and the white chocolate they use is okay. I ended up eating more than of these than I intended to. They were the second bag that was gone from my house.

Not too bad, but I can see why some people would absolutely hate these.

The first bag to disappear? That honor goes to this one.

These are awesome. Legit, I’d eat these by the dozen. I’m gonna keep going back for more.

The coconut, like a lot of the other flavors in here, is very subdued. In fact, I didn’t even notice it at first beyond a little bit of what felt more like a coconut milk smell. Like the way you don’t notice a hard coconut flavor in Thai curries, but you know they used coconut milk to make it.

What I certainly notice is vanilla. Not an overpowering amount, but definitely the primary ingredient. And not like vanilla soft serve that just tastes like milk. This tastes like proper vanilla bean goodness. If any of you are from Texas and remember Blue Bell’s churned vanilla ice cream, that is what these taste like.

So good. My favorite of the bunch, easily.

Here we are nearing the end of this holiday season, and we’re celebrating with a pair of cookies that are dolled up for the festivities.

I’m not a huge fan of mint in general, but it has its place when it’s paired with something good. Mint and chocolate have always gone together, but I’m not sold on it. Sure, I like an Andes mint every once in a while. Seinfeld made like Junior Mints when I was a kid. Has any of it ever been a favorite of mine? Nope, not really.

So how do these holiday sensations stack up?

Meh. They’re fine.

They didn’t go overboard on the mint. Or the chocolate. Or anything else, really, except for the packaging. Take ’em or leave ’em, these are just there. Nothing special, in my opinion.

What’s-a who’s-a what’s it? This was unexpected. Not only fancy Christmas wrapping, but a fancy name. Welp, it’s technially a Milano cookie. Even if it’s only half a cookie. Let’s give it a try before we hit New Years.

Oddly enough, the first thing I noticed was the lack of peppermint smell. That’s quickly followed by the lack of peppermint taste. They’re also very… glossy. I feel like I’m eating a reflection when I eat these. Like my teeth are going to squeak afterward. Very strange sensation until the cookie kicks in.

I’ll give them points for being unique. And the crunchy, rock-candy-esque top is a different crunchy from the cookie, so that stands out.

Get these if you see ’em. They’re not bad at all.